Three Sheets to the Wind is the third chapter of The Curse of Monkey Island.
It follows Part II: The Curse Gets Worse and precedes Part IV: The Bartender, The Thieves, His Aunt, and Her Lover.
The name of the chapter is a phrase which means 'to be drunk'. It comes from nautical terms which are appropriate to ancient sailing. A 'sheet' is a line that controls the sails of a ship. If the line is not secure, the sail will be loose. If a sail is loose, the crew have less control of the ship. If all three sails are loose, the ship is out of control.
--The Sea Cucumber - Haggis will speak to you and asks you what kind of captain you are. You have to fight other pirate ships using the cannons in a real-time battle of Ship to Ship combat. This is however an adventure game by LucasArts and not a shooting gallery, therefore you can choose for "Easy Ship Combat" (I let you guys help me out) or "Hard Ship Combat" (I'm a captain like the next one will be).
Choosing the first option allows you to take out any ship within your liege with 1 shot. In the more difficult version you need to hit your opponent more often. Personally, I like the hard version, because shooting the cannons can be really fun (especially later on) and even on the higher difficulty it is quite possible to win with relative ease. You can always change this by speaking to McMutton if you really want to.
Guybrush can walk around on the deck and examine the treasure hold (where you will keep the treasure from beating the other pirates on the map. You can also observe the cannons to find out which level they are and finally the Navigational Map can be viewed to see all the vessels that drift around on the sea. Each time you defeat a pirate at insult sword fighting you get their treasure and you can buy new cannon in Plunder Island's harbor
--Plunder Island - Kenny's-- In the top left corner of the map you click to reach the island again, but you can only visit Kenny's place. He will tell you that he has changed his way and from now on he works for his money fair and square. Kenny has the following cannon models available from "Bob's Big Bore Boomer Brand Cannon Incorporated".
Weak Cannons - (You start out with these) Level 1 - Buccaneer's Buddy Level 2 - Ouch-Master Level 3 - Holemaker Deluxe Level 4 - Paingiver 2000 Level 5 - Mr. Massacre Maximum Firepower - Destructomatic T-47
There are six upgrades, and indeed as expected there are 6 regular pirate vessels that you can defeat. Each time you defeat a new one you go back to Kenny to buy new cannons. You don't need to do this every time, but try to do this at least after two victories. This, because you can't take out pirate ships that are much stronger than you, as for Captain Rottingham's ship you need at least level 5 cannons, but using the Destructomatic featuring Armor piercing, Carnage delivery, Self-loading and Fax modem is much more effective.
--Navigational Map-- Look at it to see your own ship at first. Next the first ship you need to take on appears, then Captain Rottingham's ship and finally some of the other ships you need to defeat appear as well. So if you don't know where to go next simply click on the first ship that appears next to your own. In order of appearance we have:
Ship Name -------------------------------- Tourist Ship (bogus ship) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1. Really Not Fearsome Pirates 2. Semi Fearsome Pirates 3. Mildly Fearsome Pirates 4. Pretty Fearsome Pirates 5. Fearsome Pirates 6. Really Fearsome Pirates - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 7. Captain René Rottingham --------------------------------
There is not much special to note about each of the 6 individual pirates you come across. To me they seem to use random insults and their replies to the insults is different each time. Some times they know all the answers, but most often they give up rather easily. This may seem nice, but you need to learn all (at least as many of) the replies to each individual insult if you want to take on Rottingham.
The tourist ship doesn't really count, but the programmers probably just put it in for fun. You can take that ship out in one shot regardless of the difficulty and you don't need to do sword fighting to win, but you don't get any treasure either.
Because everything is at random here you might as well keep on fighting the pirates over and over again, until you learned at least 10 of the replies to the regular insults. Then take on Rottingham (see section 2 of this chapter) to find out that he uses different insults, so you need to figure out yourself which reply would fit best with the insult. Here's a complete list of all the insults and replies to them. Note: Press Shift+J during a sword fight for some nice sound effects.
Regular Insult & Reply List
Insult: Every enemy I've met I've annihilated! Reply: With your breath, I am sure they all suffocated.
Insult: You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee. Reply: Do I look THAT much like your fiancée?
Insult: Killing you would justifiable homicide. Reply: Then killing you would be justifiable fungicide.
Insult: You're the ugliest monster ever created! Reply: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
Insult: I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet! Reply: When I'm done with YOU, you'll be a boneless filet.
Insult: Would you like to be buried or cremated? Reply: With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.
Insult: When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified. Reply: At least mine can be identified.
Insult: I'll leave you devastated, mutilated and perforated. Reply: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated and infuriated.
Insult: I have never seen such clumsy swordplay. Reply: You would have, but you were always running away.
Insult: I'll hound you night and day! Reply: Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!
Insult: I can't rest until you've been exterminated! Reply: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
Insult: En garde, touché! Reply: Oh that is so cliché.
Insult: Throughout the Caribbean my great deeds are celebrated! Reply: Too bad they're all fabricated.
Insult: Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified. Reply: Is that your face? I thought it was you backside.
Insult: You can't match my witty repartee. Reply: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
Insult: Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died! Reply: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
2. Take on René Rottingham
When you think that you are strong enough to take on the fearless captain himself. Look on the map for his ship and attack it. Use cannons of at least level 5 to beat him (i.e. you cannot beat his ship with the very weak cannons).
On board you can challenge him to duel of insult sword fighting, but unlike all the previous battles Rottingham gives all the insults and you only have to give the replies. On regular difficulty you need to give 3 correct replies and on the Mega-Monkey setting you must respond to 6 replies. Most of the insults are very similar to the regular insult so finding the right reply is in most cases not too difficult. Below is a complete list of all the insults he uses:
Rottingham's Insult & Reply List
Insult: My attacks have left entire islands depopulated! Reply: With your breath, I am sure they all suffocated.
Insult: You have the sex appeal of a Shar-Pei. Reply: Do I look THAT much like your fiancée?
Insult: When I'm done, your body will be rotted and putrefied! Reply: Then killing you would be justifiable fungicide.
Insult: Your looks would make pigs nauseated. Reply: If you don't count all the ones you've dated.
Insult: Your lips look like they belong to the catch of the day. Reply: When I'm done with YOU, you'll be a boneless filet.
Insult: I give you a choice. You can be gutted or decapitated! Reply: With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated.
Insult: You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified! Reply: At least mine can be identified.
Insult: I can't tell which of my traits has you the most intimidated. Reply: Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated and infuriated.
Insult: I have never lost in mêlée. Reply: You would have, but you were always running away.
Insult: You'll find I'm dogged to my prey! Reply: Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!
Insult: Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner irritated. Reply: Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.
Insult: Your mother wears a toupee. Reply: Oh that is so cliché.
Insult: My skills with the sword are highly venerated. Reply: Too bad they're all fabricated.
Insult: Never before have I faced someone so sissified. Reply: Is that your face? I thought it was you backside.
Insult: Nothing can stop me from blowing you away. Reply: I could, if you would use some breath spray.
Insult: Nothing on this earth can save your sorry hide. Reply: The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde.
When you finally manage to defeat him Guybrush starts to get the hang of it and keeps on humiliating René, until he can take no more of it. You get the map back and view the cut scene to find you and your crew getting shipwrecked on Blood Island.
Walkthrough by Iron Knuckle